I really just need a blog post to ramble in today, and this is it. I've been stalling on HH edits all week, because I'm doing lessons 11/12, and they're HARD WORK. How dare writing be hard work, hey? But, you know, I've been out and about, and my back has been giving me fits of nausea, and I was in tears when the Boyo massaged it last night because it hurt so much - so I have an excuse not to have been working on edits, right?
Yeah. Not really.
Because really, none of those things are what has been stopping me. If I'd been at a fun point in the process, I'd have made time to get the edits done, regardless of what else had been going on during the day. I'd have prioritised it.
I kind of suck at prioritising this week.
But it's making me think, even as I procrastinate. I'm thinking about priorities and procrastination and deadlines and dreams and goals. If I ever want to get anywhere with this writing gig, it's up to me to do it. No one is going to drag me, kicking and screaming, though edits. Well, maybe Liana. But no one else.
And no one but me is really going to be disappointed if I don't 'make it' as a writer. No one else really cares whether I finish a particular story or not, whether I edit this novel or that, whether I publish in the end or not. That's where this writing gig of ours is a solo endeavour.
It's all very well to have people to help motivate you, but in the end, if you can't motivate yourself, you're doomed.
No one else cares about my dreams, so I have to. Because if don't, they'll die.
If I'm okay with that, then probably my dreams weren't really Dreams in the first place. Because a real dream catches you and won't let go. Like the times where I've decided to give writing a rest, to give up on it - and I find myself at odd moments planning stories, plotting through problems, listening to the voices in my head.
Writing is a Dream of mine. No one can make me reach my dream. I have to get off my butt and do it myself.
No one is going to edit the novel for me; no one is even going to step forward and offer to do this one hard lesson for me.
I need to quit making excuses, and do. Stop fretting over the end result, the eventual outcomes, other people's opinions of what I'm doing - and do.
The writing won't be done until I do.
So, I'm going to go do.
Thanks for listening to my self-pep-talk. :)