20 July 2012

It's Always Too Late (Though That May Be Just Right)

Why it is that just as we get the hang of one season in our life, the next one comes along? I suppose because we have learned what we needed to from the season. But sometimes, boy, it would be nice to learn a lesson from something and then sit back and enjoy.

I'm going back to work on Monday. Not full time - a 0.8 loading (1.0 is full time), which means 4 classes instead of 5 and two days a week where I only have to be a work for a couple of hours. But it is still terrifying. I'm looking forward to it so much - I adore my job, being in the classroom, teaching and learning and letting the kids laugh at me - but really, I want to keep looking forward to it for just another week. And maybe another after that...

Because of course, things have JUST gotten comfortable at home. Small Person is 23 weeks old and has settled into a routine (ish), but more to the point, I've learned how to cope when he doesn't. Right now, I'm standing up using my dresser as a table with the SP strapped in the front pack because he's only had 2 half-hour naps so far today. It's 4pm. He's tired. But he's still, now that the initial tears have passed, gurgling and chirping and smiling behind his dummy (pacifier). And so I am. Time was, I'd be frazzled to death because husband will be home in an hour and half and I've not done much today - but you know what? It's my last day at home with the kid for ten weeks (huzzah that I can say that, huzzah for teaching, huzzah for school holidays). And I've enjoyed being with him extra, even if it means he's grizzly. Because I don't just love him when he's happy, and ultimately, though it's my job to take care of him in every way I can, I can't actually make him be happy.

So today, I'm just enjoying loving him, knowing that he won't be **ALL MINE** again for another three months - and lamenting that, once again, I've learned the lesson just in time for the season to be over.


Also, Motherheard #2: Don't lick the floor, dear.

2 comments:

Michelle Davidson Argyle said...

Aww, doing what you feel is right is best. I remember I wanted to go escape and work somewhere when Darcy was smaller, but I just didn't enjoy the first year at all because of my postpartum. Now I'm happy working from home, but I'm also excited for her to go to school. :)

Amy said...

It's always a paradox, isn't it? :) I'd stay home if I could, especially since we don't have childcare, but sadly the bills need paying!

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