20 August 2010

Dear Inner Editor

Dear I.E.,

You're fired. I don't have to explain my motives to you since, legally speaking, you are persona non gratis and thereby not subject to anti-discrimination employment legislation and the like, but because I am a merciful person, I shall inform you nonetheless, in the hope that it may aid you in future employment endeavours.

Although there was no contractual agreement signed at the time of your employ, there were nevertheless duties which you were expected to perform, and which, by agreeing to employment, you implicitly accepted. These terms, which you have violated, are to whit:

1) That you shall refrain from editorial comment during the first draft process.

2) That you shall refrain from editorial comments unrelated to creative manuscripts. Comments on a) my worth as a human being fall outside this scope. So do comments on b) my eating habits, c) exercise habits, d) choice of clothing, e) time management and f) the character of my dogs.

3) That you shall provide constructive criticism during the editing process. No, comments on my abilities as a writer do not count as constructive (see 2a above). Neither does skulking off and hiding in the corner because you "thought I was drafting". Yes, editing is hard. It's also your fropping job.

4) That you shall be precise, methodical, thorough and shall act with integrity. Missing the exact same problem three stories in a row because you were "sick of them" is, quite frankly, inexcusable.

The misdemeanours which you have perpetrated are not limited to those expounded upon above; however, these are the aspects which I believe will be most pertinent to your future employment and may therefore be the most benefit to you. Incapacitating perfectionism, to name but one other misdemeanour, I shan't even begin to discuss.

As I hope you can see, I wish you nothing but the best for your future and hope most sincerely that our paths may never again cross.


Disgruntled Author.

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Wanted: Inner Editor: Reliable, thorough and precise. Constructive criticism a must; any tolerance of Teh Hatez will result in immediate termination of employment.


Liana Brooks said...


Your IE can join the skeleton of my Muse down in the murder hole %-)

I've been locking unhelpful ideas, muses, and internal editors down there for ages. It's quit roomy, and no expense at all since I never feed them, or let them out.

Let your IE whither and die. It's really for the best.


Spammy said...

I must warn you, though, Inky, that they're not that easy to get rid of, sometimes. I fired mine a long time ago. He chained himself up and jumped into the Seine river. But his ghost wasn't quite so moody. It came back and still gives my characters wedgies whenever I'm not looking. BEWARE!

Amy Laurens said...

Liana - thanks :D I'm sure the IE would looooove to stay. *evil chuckle*

Spammy - Argh! No! Not the GHOST of an IE!! That's horribawful! EVEN WORSE! TEN TIMES MORE VENGEFUL!! RUN AWAY!!!! *sends IE Ghostbusters to your place of residence*

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