Making the Beginning WORK

(Note: this post was composed about a month ago and lost in the deep dark depths of my harddrive.)

The beginning of anything is often the hardest: you have to overcome the intertia of not doing whatever it is you're about to start, and often you can be plagued by doubt or fear. What if I do it wrong? Can I actually do this? What will people think?

I've been writing for long enough now that beginning a new draft doesn't scare me so much any more. Where I used to prefer editing to drafting (my perfectionism was happy that it finally got a chance to make things RIGHT!), I now enjoy the freedom that drafting involves; it doesn't MATTER if I get it wrong, as long as I'm having fun :o)

That doesn't mean that beginnings are perfectly easy, though - they're just difficult in a different sense. As the Twitter peeps among you might have seen, I'm editing Sanctuary right now. Sanctuary is a YA fantasy, and I drafted a tentative blurb/query for it yesterday:

Moving halfway across Australia to Nowra, capital of nowhere, is the worst thing to ever happen to Edge. Three months on, she has no friends, the world’s most horrible bedroom, and no one to celebrate her fourteenth birthday with. Maybe that’s why she starts hallucinating that the butterfly is talking to her – though her dog seems to think the fairy is real enough.

Sure, finding out she’s a Traveller, able to cross between worlds to Sanctuary, home of the fairies, is a definite bonus. Making a new friend and realising that Sanctuary might be everything she misses from home is pretty great, too. But then the shadows appear, ominous and blacker than black. Edge is determined to find out where they’re coming from – until she’s dragged from Sanctuary into the land of death and almost killed by them. Now Edge must decide if her new home is something worth fighting for – or if, you know, running away to the circus might be the saner option.

But I'm editing! How does this relate to beginnings? Because it's in edits that beginnings are now brain-pretzeling difficult. The internet is full of really good advice about how to begin your story: begin in the middle of the action, show your character's voice, avoid excessive backstory, avoid shock-for-the-sake-of-shock lines, show your conflict, and so forth. However, while this advice is all great an necessary, it's not what I'm struggling with (though, granted, there is currently ALL THE BACKSTORY eating up my first page, which is not so good >.<). What I'm struggling with is something that not a lot of people seem to talk about: the themes.

See, the first draft of Sanctuary ended REALLY WELL. I'm completely in love with the last handful of lines, and they never fail to generate that 'Awww!' feeling, which is what I want. But in order for them to work, they have to be set up in the beginning.

The beginning has an epic amount of work to do: it has to hook the reader, establish the action, set the scene, introduce the plot conflict - and it also has to introduce the thematic conflict. It has to give a taste of what's going to matter in the story, what the MC's main drive is, what they're fighting for. And that, right now, is what I'm struggling with.

How To Transcend the Rules

The other day, Query Shark posted a query that she said broke all the rules, and still worked. It's short, and you really should read it. It's here. I'll wait a moment while you go read.

Done? Cool.

So, Query Shark reckons this breaks the rules. With all due respect, I disagree with her. Query Shark says this query works despite the fact that it breaks all the rules; I think it works because it transcends the rules. The query is perfect not because it lacks the necessary elements and makes up for it in voice, but because every single one of the elements is there, and the query still manages to avoid being formulaic. It’s such a perfect example of rising above the rules, rather than breaking them.

So what are the rules? Show your main character. Show your main conflict. Show the choice they have to make, and what's at stake. Show who or what opposes the main character in their quest to fulfil their goal. (Note that in every instance here I've said 'show', not 'tell'? Important. Take note.)

This query does exactly that. Main character? Claire. Conflict? Her cousin committed suicide and she wants to know why. Choice? Hunt down the boy responsible. Stakes? Life and death. Opposition? Claire ditches her entire persona, becomes someone obviously not her usual self, to hunt down a boy responsible for her cousin's suicide - and the query hints at death, both in the actual text and in the title of the novel.

Looks to me like this is a gorgeous-in-its-simplicity example not of breaking the rules, but how to follow them. Rules don't have to be formulaic, or constraining, or anti-creativity. Yes, queries are hard - but put some steel in your spine and dare to transcend the rules, rather than dismissing them.

I wish I knew the author of the query's name, so I could shout 'Go [name]!!' properly. I don't, but still: go you, author. Thanks for showing us how it's done :)

Queries and Character Tweets

First up, my characters now have a Twitter profile! You can follow them here, at InkysCharacters. Jessana Peakes, MC of my WIP Jesscapades, has been the first to speak so far :)

Now, on to queries. I apologise for this being late, but I had to delay my analysis of the queries because I ended up being out of town on the weekend, and spent yesterday and the day before (very thrillingly) catching up on uni work. Blech!

Sadly, I missed the deadline to post my comments on my final picks on Nathan's blog, which I feel bad about... So I haven't actually picked my top 5 yet. But that's okay: I can do that as I analyse here, and you'll get to see my thoughts as I think them! Oh, hoorah!

*eyebrow* Stop looking at me like that. You know this will be fun. Really.

#20 In The Driver's Seat
I liked the honesty behind this one. I could see it being an interesting, fresh memoir. But ultimately there's not enough sense of voice here to outweigh things like the newbie mistakes in the final paragraph, and to compete against some of the other queries.

#22 Star Fragments
This one had hints of a great snarky voice, but ultimately the topic's just too cliched in my mind compared to some of the others. Also, 88k is rather long for YA. Pass.

#28 Long Shot Lost
In the end, this is an example of having to reject because something's not right for me. I can see that this might have potential as a solid sci fi novel, but without the familiarity with the genre that a real sci fi lover would have, I can't say whether it's cliche or just... standard. Either way, there's nothing here that zings that makes me reach for the yes button.

#26 Glyph
Pretty much, this is a terrible query. More than half of it isn't even about the story, it makes all sorts of unsubstantiated claims (tell us it's got dark humour in it? why not just show us?), I have no idea who the MC is or what the core conflict is - but I held onto this one in the hopes it might improve miraculously, because both the title and the fact that it's modern mythology and a thriller/mystery really grabs me. But in the end, pass.

#33 Beneath The Heart of Beauty
Good premise with lots of potential, but the query doesn't really flow, which makes me assume the novel wouldn't either. Thus, rejection.

It's at this point that you begin to realise the real importance of a good query letter (although an imperfect letter can still receive requests, if the right things show through - see Nathan's summary posts); it might be totally unfair of me to dismiss #33 on the basis of a clunky query. In actual fact, the novel might be gorgeous - but when it's up against 13 others, and I'm only allowed to pick 5, I'm looking for things I can use to narrow down my options, and it's just not worth taking a risk that the novel might be better than the query for anything less than an outstanding premise.

Lesson here: make sure your query letter is professional, and reads like someone with an excellent command of the English language wrote it. Not just a competent command - an excellent command.

#30 XLI
I'm so torn on this one. On the one hand, it's packed full of squee - the MC is just FABulous - but on the other, 136k seems long to begin with, and when I read the sample pages, I found out why: the writing really needs trimming. If the first few pages are anything to go by, this could easily be cut back to 110k. So, I guess that's my answer: Dear Author, cut 20k and requery me :D

Another lesson: You REALLY want to make sure those first few pages sparkle.

#37 Secluded Alleys
In the end, this is reject, though the idea/premise has a lot of possibility. The query is just too messy for me to make real sense of the plot.

#40 Becoming Emily Novak
This is a well-written query, which is what got it into my final list, but rereading it in light of trying to pick only 5, it just doesn't sizzle at me the way some of them do. I guess it's mostly a matter of just not my genre.

#1 Watcher's Web
I so wanted to like this one, since it has a promising premise, but in the end I'm rejecting because the only two paragraphs in the query that discuss the book a) outline the girl's powers and b) tell us she's caught between two forces, blah blah, cliche. There isn't really a strong sense of plot at all, nor of the central conflict. So, reject :(

#38 Birthright
It's right about now that I'm feeling the pinch of only being allowed to ask for 5 partials. Can't I have 6? Please? No? Drat. In which case, this one gets rejected because the query is a bit difficult to follow, and it's mostly tell, not show. Drat.

#27 Ghostland
Again, with the wanting-to-request. HOWEVER, on really really close scrutiny, I discover that although this has a super-shiny idea, nothing about the voice captures me, and I'm not too sure if the central conflict (that the MC isn't allowed to love) does either. Regretful rejection.

#43 The Lion's Mane
This is the complete opposite to #28 for me. While the query isn't especially elegant - it's a lot more tell than show, simply listing events - I know enough about the fantasy genre to see that this story could work, and work well. Partial request from me.

#36 Rosie's Child
I'm not 100% sure what it is about this one that draws me to it. The query isn't the best, but there's a quiet sense of mystery about it that I like. It's a solid concept, and I just... *waves hands* I dunno. This one's a gut request :D

#9 If It Ain't Broke
Unique premise, promise of a good solid voice, neat and tidy query with a solid conflict = request for partial. Yay :)

And finally, there's the fifteenth in my list, the query that had me hitting 'request' even before I'd finished reading the other queries:

#17 Inugami
The sheer squee value of the premise had me hitting 'request' before I even remembered that I could only request 5. Looking at it now, the query itself isn't especially noteworthy: it tells rather than shows, and while it's technically correct there isn't actually that much of a sense of voice. So I guess this is an instance of the subject matter winning out for me.

You'll notice in the end I only picked four to request, because I really can't narrow it down between 38 and 27 (though the writing in 38 is stronger, so I'd probably go with that?).

And now, a quick summary of What We've Learned:

• Make sure your work is up to scratch before you query. You don't want to come across as a newbie, and you want to know basic things like how to punctuate, how to spell, and you want to be able to write with some degree of finesse.
• Know your lengths! Know what the acceptable lengths for your genre are, and stick to them!
• Have voice, whether it's funny or snarky or lyrical or quirky. Yes, it's a business letter, but that doesn't mean bland, dry and boring.
• Know what it is that's fresh about your work; know what's different in your story to others in your genre, and let the agent know this too!
• Make sure your query clearly mentions the central conflict of the plot (the inciting incident, often), the hook, and the key theme. If you can, SHOW these rather than telling them (see links below). Give us plot, give us conflict!
  
• Make sure your query is easy to read and understand; if an agent has to read it twice to figure out the twists you're describing, you better hope everything else is fantastic enough to prevent a rejection.
• High concept: this is such a difficult thing to define, but what it means in this context for me is make sure your conflict is a worthy one, something people will actually care about - not just, will I find raisins for my breakfast or not? That sort of thing ;)
  

And that's it! Just in case you're not satiated by today's laaaarge discussion on queries, check out these great links:

Nathan Bransford on the query letter formula; the anatomy of a query letter; more on the anatomy; and Kristen Nelson has links to a whole bunch of queries that worked for her in the sidebar, about halfway down. There's also the Query Shark :)

So, who of you participated in agent for a day? What did you learn? And to everyone - is the stuff I've pulled out here useful? Did you know this kind of thing already, or is this new for you?

And the big question, do you actually plan to query one day?

Sincerest Apologies

Summing up the querying process is taking a lot longer than I'd anticipated, especially what with having been away all weekend at a dog show (we did okay, though not brilliantly ;)), and with having spent the last two days working with my uni partner on our presentation that will be worth 50% of our grade.

So yeah. Not a lot of time to deal with my thoughts on the queries.

HOWEVER. The post is in progress, and I can solemnly swear that I'll have it up for you sometime tomorrow :) It's actually a lot of fun, dissecting these letters, and I'm learning a lot. I think. I hope. o.O

In other news, I have an unoffical release date for my ebook, the 33 Worst Mistakes Writers Make About Dogs! And it's close! Hoorah! To celebrate, later in the week I'll be sharing the introduction to the book with you via podcast (You all get to hear me speak! Quick, run while you still can!), and next week I'll be unveiling an awesome competition where you could be in the running to win not one, not two, but THREE FREE BOOKS! :) Very shiny indeed.

So, have a good evening/morning/day/night (depending on where you are, of course), and I'll be back tomorrow with lots of bleeding, dissected queries ;) Fun fun!

Learning By Example

I don't know about you guys, but I happen to be a visual-kinesthetic learner. I really don't learn well by listening; I need to see what we're talking about in front of me.

On the other hand, I also learn pretty well by doing and discussing - if I'm talking it out, I'll remember it (oral rather than aural learning), and if I can touch it, grasp it, move it around and do it myself, I'll also remember it.

So when I started writing, and people told me things like: Your beginning needs to be hooky. You need to have voice. Your query must be professional. You have to tell the story without telling the whole story.

...I really had no idea what they meant.

Thankfully, in the last few months a really useful resource has popped up to combat this: it's the blog of Authoress, Miss Snark's First Victim - specifically, the Secret Agent contests. Have I entered them? Actually, no.

So how have I learned from them? By immersion. By doing. When you read through 100 or 50 or however (large) many first pages in a reasonably short space of time, you begin to realise what works and what doesn't. All that advice actually starts to make sense, and you can see things like voice, and hooks, and begin to get a feel for openings that are boring, or overworked, or trying to hard - or are just right. If you've never read through the entries in a Secret Agent contest, I really encourage you to do so. You don't have to comment on them if you don't want to or don't have time - just read them, and read them all, for your own benefit.

Interestingly, the quality of the submissions really seems to be increasing. In the first few rounds of Are You Hooked?, there were maybe 5% of entries that caught my attention and really hooked me. These days, I can find anywhere between 10 and 15%, and I'm getting pickier; I read faster, I totally skim, and an opening has to work hard to make me stop and read it properly.

So. Where is all this going?

Well, in a meandering sort of way, besides wholeheartedly recommending that you go read through the lastest round of Secret Agent entries, I'm getting to querying. It never occurred to me that the breakthrough I had in reading so many first pages might also be applicable to queries; but thanks to Nathan Bransford and his current 'Agent for a Day' contest, I've realised it is.

I've read every single one of the 50 queries entered, and I'm down to a short list of 14, although I could have made it 16 if I was feeling generous. Because this post is long enough (and my husband is waiting for me!), today I'm going to let you know what my top picks are. Over the weekend, before the contest closes on Saturday night, I'll narrow down my options (we're only allowed to 'request' 5 manuscripts) and on Monday I'll dissect my choices and see what I've learned about queries, and the querying process.

Ready?

Okay. These are my top 14, in no particular order:

#9 If It Ain't Broke: boy sets out to break every bone in his body, because we all know, they heal stronger...

#20 In The Driver's Seat: a memoir about truck driving throughout America. Great voice.

#22 Star Fragments: YA, 'media darling shattered by Hollywood's depravity'. Voice, again.

#26 Glyph: a spec thriller based on Aztec mythology

#27 Ghostland: Genetically modified outcast children. Mm.

#28 Long Shot Lost: Sci fi. Reads pretty standard, but a hint of an exciting voice.

#30 XLI: It's humorous, and the MC is a monk. Rah!

#33 Beneath the Heart of Beauty: mainstream about a man who has recurring dreams that he suspects are based on the events of a period of amnesia he suffered.

#36 Rosie's Child: mainstreamish, about a family geneaology mystery. Sounds pretty cool.

#37 Secluded Alleys: serial killer/cop mystery, with photography.

#38 Birthright: YA fantasy set in the wild future, where humans live in sanitised cities - the MC learns she's heiress to the wild...

#40 Becoming Emily Novak: YA coming of age. Solid, solid query.

#43 The Lion's Mane: YA fantasy. Time travel back to Roman Britain with a talking cat!

#1 Watcher's Web: Well, it's Australian for a start, hoorah! :D Fantasy about a girl who can talk to animals, and is being fought over by the great forces of the universe.

Even reading back through these now, a day after I initially picked them, I can see differences between them that help me make up my mind - to the point where I actually removed two off this list because I realised they weren't up to par with the others.

Finally, there's one query that I didn't even have to think about: auto-request. I'll dig it out and examine it on Monday. In the meantime, get yourselves over there and learn by example what a good query feels like! :)

Addendum to Think Sideways

Just as an addition to the previous post, if you are considering trying the Think Sideways course, and want more info, Holly has opened one of the student discussion forums (read-only) so that non-members can see what we're getting up to :o) And if you want more general information, you can check out the curriculum and the FAQs , plus a really interesting survey on how much it costs to write a novel, and why learning to generate ideas and plan projects on a deadline is a critical career writer's skill.

And even if you aren't considering signing up, here's a lovely freebie for you - lesson 11, which discusses in detail how to put together the dreaded query letter, proposals, synopses, and editor outlines. Just click here :) (Yes, this is a legal give-away!)

And don't forget to check out my review of month two below :)